The House That Nobody Built

Published on siol-nan gaidheal.com

One of the constitutional anomalies defecated upon us by Tory Blain‘s Parish Council is this: The sovereign subjects of the Crown have had no meaningful input into Scotland’s Stormont. Whether you vote for the McTweedledees or the MacTweedledums cannot change the contradictions inherent in placing a Colonial Assembly in a sovereign state. One of the worst features, from our point of view, of The Miralles Palace is the choice of name.

Both “Holyrood” and “Parliament” are words that we subconsciously link with the kind of future we would wish to achieve. The reality of Culdessac Castle is muddled before you consciously start to think about it. This may be mere coincidence. The continuous series of such coincidences that stretch back beyond 1603 is statistically improbable. In this discussion I shall confine myself to the possibility that an agency is at work. I believe that some series of linked actions have worked upon the lofty ideals of our nation to reduce us to our current state of fear and servitude.

Whether the agents of our challenges are human or not is something of a philosophical point. Imperialism seeks to portray itself as human; yet each individual unit of imperialism takes no responsibility for their actions; you could argue that imperialists are (by definition), sub-human. In Celtic Philosophy the Fomore are the sub-humans; Freud called them the ego. “By their deeds shall ye know them.” Just look around and ask yourself: “Do we have real problems; moral dilemmas?” Is the House of Cro-Magnons a symbol of colonialism?

As a word Scotland has a “d” in it. Is this some esoteric shorthand for “dither”, “daydream” or “dinnae”? It could hardly be short for “do”. We have (with a few honourable exceptions), done little to help ourselves in my lifetime. This secret code in the name of our country cannot stand for “devolution” as that word has lost all meaning. I believe that to keep us from depression, drugs and defeat we should try to defend, define and dae sumthin!

Suppose we were to try to find an appropriate name for Dewar Manor? Could it not become an outlet for our wit, imagination and sovereignty? Whether we did this informally or as an organised competition with prizes must surely depend on the active contributors and the website jannies. How about a Siol Name Our Shame Competition?

We are in a ridiculous position, if we can’t laugh about it we are liable to become the caricatures they are trying to sell us. Many thanks to those who made it possible for me to share this little thought with you.

Tapadh leibh gu dearabh.

S.W.

Between September 2004 and April 2005 I suggested the following names:

Dewar’s Droop

Jock Colonial’s Byre

The Fellow Traveller’s Rest Building

The House of Ethical Imperialism

The Governor General’s Mansion

The District Commissioner’s Lodge

Lizzie’s Bordel

Saint Eliza’s

The Brown Envelope

Smoke Without Fire

An Taigh Nan Pochan

Dingly Dell

Doolie Albannach

The Toothless Dragon

The Browned O

Falsettoes

Menteith’s Monument

The Suck Stops Here

Arse of Mid-Lothian

Darien II

Cower Of Scotland

The Vauxhall Conference

Scots Wha Hinnae

The Union Of The Clowns

The Dunedin Dahl

The Take-It-Easy-Palace

The Blunderstag

The Whitewash House

The Caledonian Authority

The Orange Zone

The Hungarian Embassy

La Familia Desecrada

The Morally Handicapped

Huntingdon Life

Inward Incestment

Dolly The Flock

Nedz In Sootz

Suction 43

Cheery McChubby’s Reward

Seats For Sale

Uncle Jock’s Cabin

The Budapest Of The Nawth

Swinecastle

Lothian Zoo

Halliburton Hall

What Every Waster Wants

A Re-hab Too Far

The Weasels Of Mass Deception

The Scum Never Sinkz

The Hunnypot

The Rose And Floated

Alternativz 2 Custody

The Gouk’s Nest

The Parleymince

Arthur’s Stool