The Diddy Rangers Song

Inspired by the sight of Brechin City holding the Diddy Rangers to a 1-1 draw (after 90 minutes) on the 29th July 2012

The Diddy Rangers Song
(Saint) David Murray cleaned them oot,
Cleaned them oot, cleaned them oot.
David Murray cleaned them oot,
They're the Diddy Rangers!

Ally Bally spikkin shite,
Spikkin shite, spikkin shite.
Ally Bally spikkin shite,
They're the Diddy Rangers!

The Hungarian Marching Song
Hungary, Hungary,
Hungary, Hungary.
Take an Orange Walk,
And go back to Hungary!

Cruel Brittania
Cruel Brittania!
Brittania robbed her slaves,
Ally Bally and the Walk-Aways!

2012! No Readies!

The Scenery Watchers

7^th July 2012

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, there was a beautiful country with wonderful scenery. The people who lived there liked nothing better than to watch the scenery and they were called the Scenery Watchers.

Now you may think that that sounds very lazy and inefficient. But the Scenery Watchers believed that they were able to think of all kinds of good ideas purely because they took the time to stop work and look around them every now and again. And they were a very inventive people who gave the world some excellent ideas and clever inventions. They liked to give these things away because they feared that developing their ideas in their own country might damage the scenery and leave them worse off in the long run.

There came a time when some of the young Scenery Watchers wanted to turn some little-watched bits of scenery into factories to make electricity. This was agreed to, so long as the electricity was not allowed to accumulate and interfere with the scenery. Arrangements were made to give the electricity to the needy in another country and the scheme went ahead. For year after year the factories produced electricity and the electrical wires took it away so that it couldn’t spoil the view.

                                               Colonial Scotland, 25 miles from Aberdeen; 
                                                the DHL-Scenery-Tax-Free-Zone, as seen from 
                                                the DHL-Scenery-Tax-Zone.

But hard times came to the needy people who received the free electricity. They began to say what a big favour they were doing the Scenery Watchers. It soon came about that the Scenery Watchers began to pay the needy people for the excellent job that they were doing in preventing the scenery from being cluttered up with electricity. Little by little the Scenery Watchers came to feel that it was more important to work long hours so as to pay the needy people than it was to watch the scenery.

“So long as the scenery is still there we can watch it when we have more time,” they said. The harder they worked the less time they had and little by little they became less inventive and distinctive. Tourists still came to see the wonderful scenery but they began to see the Scenery Watchers as fools who did not know that they were living. “If the Scenery Watchers do not appreciate the value of electricity,” said the tourists “then they won’t miss a few oilfields and military bases.”

The tourists began to stay and set themselves up as the masters of the beautiful land. The Scenery Watchers had failed to see themselves and they became servants in their own house.

© Louis Mair 2012